Many clients don't realise they're missing out. But I've worked as an escort for over twelve years...and I can tell when it's not hitting the spot.
An anxious frown. Becoming distracted. Rushing through our time together in the bedroom, or hesitating due to shame and insecurity. Sometimes, even though I'm doing a great job, they can't fully relax and enjoy themselves. And I feel sad, because I know they deserve better.
We often assume casual sex should feel awkward and meaningless - and what could be more casual than a session with a sex worker, right? Many people who pay for sexual services expect a mediocre experience. They assume it's just about getting off and getting out of there. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - since they expect 'average', that's exactly what they get.
But an experienced client knows that much more is possible - deep connection, genuine enjoyment, and a boost to your overall quality of life. I've had some amazing sessions with regulars over the years that have left them grinning, motivated them make important life changes, and helped them feel more comfortable in their own skin.
Unfortunately, a 'peak experience' with a sex worker is hard to describe. It's a bit like good coffee or expensive wine - until you've tried the good stuff, you don't realise the difference! If you're curious about whether you're getting the most out of your sessions with sex workers, here are a few signs to watch out for.
1.You feel as if you've known them for years... even if you've only just met.
It's a wonderful feeling to meet someone and fall into comfortable conversation.
Being able to act yourself - not trying to impress or worrying about saying the wrong thing - can lift a huge weight off your shoulders, and make everything feel so much more genuine. This is what's known as connection - feeling like you and your worker are 'on the same page'. It involves trust, understanding and taking an interest in your date.
Sex workers are very good at getting connection happening - we know how to help someone feel comfortable, and keep the conversation going. But at the end of the day, it takes two to tango. True connection really only happens when you're able to relax and focus on the person whose company you're enjoying.
Once you that happens, you're on the way to building a genuine connection.
2.Your Uber didn't arrive, the restaurant was full, and you tripped over going upstairs to show her the bedroom...but none of that matters.
A small mishap doesn't have to ruin the vibe...if you're having a peak experience, a bump or two in the road isn't enough to dampen the mood.
Uber never arrived? Restaurant booked out? Embarrassing wardrobe malfunction? No fear. Even if things don't go exactly to plan, you still feel comfortable with your date - and confident that together, you can sort out any issues that arise.
Going on a date can be nerve-wracking and often there's a lot of internal pressure to get it all right. A new, inexperienced or insecure client might spend a lot of time worrying about making things perfect.
On the other hand, an experienced client knows that nothing ever goes completely according to plan. They're comfortable with being flexible and can 'go with the flow'. When you have a great connection with your date and the confidence to handle minor dramas, nothing will be able to bring you down.
3.You're comfortable saying, "Can we try this position?"
A casual conversation about what turns you on is a sign you feel comfortable with your professional.
A lot of people feel ashamed about sex or sex work. They're embarrassed and afraid to ask for what they want in the bedroom. This can ruin the vibe, and makes a sex worker's job difficult.
On the other hand, being able to talk about sex is a superpower. Whether it's asking for a specific service when you request a booking, talking about your turn-ons over dinner, or making suggestions in the bedroom, being open about your desires can feel liberating and often leads to much better sex.
Of course, depending on your local laws, it might not be safe to talk about sex openly at the start of a session. But once you're more intimate and trust has been established, these conversations become easier.
And it's not always about the physical stuff, either - it could be as simple as expressing how you feel in the moment. If you feel safe enough to open up to your worker, that's a really good sign.
4.Your booking goes for hours, but feels like minutes.
You're hanging out, talking together. You're making out. You're in bed together. Time passes effortlessly...and when the date is over, it feels as though it's only been a few minutes rather than a few hours.
This experience of being so immersed in the moment that you barely notice time passing is called 'flow state'. It's a headspace where you're totally absorbed in what you're doing. In flow state, all our insecurities and worries melt away and we're able to simply do what feels right in the moment.
When you're getting intimate with someone, flow state comes from having a relaxed, calm headspace and also from connecting emotionally with the person you're spending time with. It's not easy, but once you do get there, it feels amazing.
5.You wake up the next day feeling great.
If you wake up and leap out of bed the next day with a renewed energy and enthusiasm for life, you're probably doing it right.
Some clients go the other way - they feel guilty or ashamed afterwards. Or perhaps they might worry that they did or said something wrong. That's not fun. This is the stuff you'll need to work through if you want to have a peak experience.
If you regularly feel down the day after a session, don't despair. It's common to experience 'drop' after an exciting experience - your brain chemistry often takes a while to restock those happy chemicals! So if you do have a temporary dip in mood, it's not necessarily a sign anything is wrong.
I'm talking more of the long-term impact: feeling sexy and appreciated, more confident, or simply having a renewed appreciation for of the good things in life. If your last date put a spring in your step, you're definitely on the right track.
Spending time with sex workers is a big investment...
...it takes time, money, and effort. It also takes courage...and I think that courage should be rewarded. I think all clients should be having their 'peak experience'. If you're not there yet, I'd like to help you along the journey.
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